Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
