I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
