I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
