There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
