That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
