is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
