Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
