My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
