Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
