Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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