they need to just BURY HIM!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
