My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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