Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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