Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is Oprah even human
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
