Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
