i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
