Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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