matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
