Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
