the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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