Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Green mimosas i think yes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
