Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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