sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Randomize
