He had one of those small greek statue penises
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
