when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
