Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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