Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you would pick up someone in the library
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
