i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Your cock deserves a montage
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
