whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
