Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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