i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
