So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
