Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
