Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
