i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I love you.
Bad choice
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
