Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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