he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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