literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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