I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Randomize
