Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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