Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
