We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
