mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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