sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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