i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
