i think my tv is drunk
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
