toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
