So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
