11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
