I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize