we have pet lesbian snakes
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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